Train of Thought: Build ‘Em Up, Break ‘Em Down

Mini-Prefix

I always forget that I have WordPress on my phone. And I promised myself that I’d build up my platform to get my writing out there. So maybe with this category I could do just that. It’s meant to be just thoughts or things in my head that I want to get out there. It isn’t short stories or road to publication, I’d call it experimental. Hope whoever finds this, enjoys it.

Real Post

I think I’m losing my mind. There is something different about this semester of school that is taking more out of me than ever before. Is it because math has always been my enemy? And now that I’m at the last step for my GED’s that I finally crack? In my entire life, I’ve never failed a test. I do get D’s but never F’s. This semester just takes a toll on not my body but my mind. I usually care for it with video games. Whenever I get overwhelmed I’d go play Overwatch, but the community can be so toxic that it makes me lose hope in all humanity. Usually I’d get out of this mindset of gloom and blue within a week or two. But it’s been almost two months.

Writing entries like this can be soothing for me. This and listening to meaningful songs. All these emotions I kept bottled up for 20 years are slowly seeping out and I don’t know if I can control it. It’s like as if there is a glass bottle and it is beginning to show its age. The bottle is starting to crack and everything I’ve kept inside my head is escaping one by one.

This semester most of my time is spent in the theatre department at my school. Before my class I’d sit in the hallway of my theatre building and read or talk with friends. And since I got cast in the school’s production of Macbeth, I’m there all the way into the evenings. Don’t get me wrong, I love being in the production. Honestly theatre is the one place that I feel welcomed. Not because of the people or the plays I take part in, but because it’s one of the places that I can leave all my worries behind and become someone else. All my life I’ve been apart of the theatre even though my parents were strongly against it because of that fear that I can’t get any jobs with a degree in theatre. But theatre has never abandoned me, ever. It would welcome me with open arms.

I think this semester is the one that might break me. All these overwhelming thoughts and life are catching up with me and I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep it all under control. There’s this song I’m listening to as I write this, Lost Boy by Ruth B. I don’t understand its meaning sometimes but the singer’s emotion when singing hits my heart so much that I can relate to it.

This train of thought might be getting a little too long now. I hope your day is better than the first two months I’ve had this year. Have a good night.

-Andrew 😦

“Away from all of reality. Neverland is a home to lost boys like me. And lost boys like me are free.” – Ruth B

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